Breastfeeding is enhanced and the nursing couple sustained by the loving support, help and companionship of the baby’s father.

A father’s unique relationship with his baby is  an important element in the child’s development from early infancy.

-La Leche League International

An Eye Opening Meeting

Last fall I had the rare opportunity to sit down with Patrick Houser. I say rare as I sat down with him in Austin, Texas. Houser resides in England. Lucky for me his immediate family live here in Austin and it just happened to be Thanks Giving. For those of you who are not familiar, Patrick Houser is the new dad guru. He believes Fathers DO make a world of difference and isn’t it time for society to better support our children, mothers and fathers? I love his take on dad and birth. “I have never professed that all fathers should be at the birth of their children. I have, however, found it to be immensely rewarding experience for myself and many other men report the same. The potential for establishing the relationships within the family at this time are profound. I think that fathers would be missing a big opportunity to let it pass them by.” He is a parenting expert who”:

Intimacy Means Sex Right?

In our culture we have a different idea of intimacy. We think intimacy means sex. Primary intimacy, according to Patrick Houser has nothing to do with sex.” At it’s basic level intimacy is attachment.” During the time of breastfeeding we need to redefine intimacy. Today dads want to be involved, compared to dads back in the 70′s who spent an average of 15 minutes a day with their children. There’s been over a 1000% increase in time that dads now spend with their children. That’s 5 hours a day averaged out over a week and this includes Stay At Home Fathers. Those numbers are huge! Yet these dads are doing it unsupported. They aren’t receiving parenting education or the cultural support they need in order to be the type of dad they want to be. Most fathers have never held a new baby. They have probably never seen a woman breastfeed. If fathers can surrender to the intimacy if they can understand that their role is one of protector and provider, so that the child can have this important time with the mother.

breastfeeding (Photo credit: sdminor81)

How CAN Dads Contribute?

Dads think “Oh if you put the milk in a bottle I can contribute.” Houser says, “No, that’s not the level of involvement that nature has provided for you at this time.” What you can do is embrace this baby to you skin-to-skin. That physiologically allows your nurturing instincts to be triggered. A mans physiology  his hormonal response will change when he is skin to skin with the baby. This provides him the ability to bond with the baby. He doesn’t need to feed the baby to bond. Mom can’t give baby what you can. Dads, your job is also to make mom comfortable while nursing. Prop her up and bring her water and a snack. Let her know she’s doing a great job. If she’s having trouble call a Lactation Consultant. She needs to be supported by you.
Here is more advice straight form Patrick Housers site:

If your partner is breastfeeding you may have varying responses. You could find it wondrous, sensual and satisfying. You could also feel left out or jealous. You could perceive it as a sexual event that you do not appear to be included in. “Those are my breasts. They have been a source of much sexual pleasure for me and now someone else, possibly even another male, is having his way with them. I am excluded. What about me?” How you respond may surprise you. Be honest with yourself and speak about it with your partner, with care however. Perhaps cuddle with your family when they are breastfeeding. Include yourself, respectfully of course. Be willing to expand your definition of intimacy.

“Be a Man”

Dr. Houser shares an analogy; “We take our dads at this time and we throw them into the sea. The sea is very feminine, it’s emotional it’s the nature of water. But the ocean is full of sharks! Not only do we not give them shark defense, we never taught them how to swim! And we’re wanting them to surf!” It’s challenging for dads to understand and feel how to be part of the experience. Most men didn’t grow up in an environment where they would be able to have emotions let alone express them. They have the same feelings as women but they haven’t been given the tools to convey how they feel. Dr. Houser says, men hear all these thinks like Boys Don’t Cry and Be a Man! He says in  order to be a real man/human, be weak.

Where Can Dads Find Support?

Fathers to Be, is a good place to go. Facebook is full of dads offering dads support. If you are an expectant dad, learn what you can learn about what your choices and rights are as parents during birth. HOW your baby is born can effect breastfeeding. Hopefully after reading this you will be able to better support dads during this special time.

Watch This Video for the Full Interview:

Related articles

• Breastfeeding (parentingpractically.wordpress.com)
• Parenting, natural law style (orthosphere.org)
• Breastfeeding Questions & Concerns (enfamil.com)
• Issues Every Mom Should Consider Prior to Birth (happilyblended.com)
• Breastfeeding is Natural?? (softcrunchymom.com)
• http://michelle-carchrae.suite101.com/support-for-stayathome-dads-a42617